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Calguy
USA
52 Posts |
 Posted - 05/30/2009 : 22:09:46
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| This morning my DW and I were able to spend sometime talking in bed for the first time in a long time. For the past year, in addition to working 40 hours a week, I have been enrolled in two graduate level programs in two different universities (there is a reason for this insanity – but that is another story). In our conversation I brought up that I have returned to some of my old habits of sleeping nude, walking around the house in the morning nude, and nude sunbathing in the yard. All of which she was unaware of because of my schedule – going to bed after her, and leaving in the morning before she is awake. As we were cuddling this morning all she said was “Just don’t walk around naked in Canada”. This is a reference to a trip we are taking in 6 weeks in which we will be sharing a two bedroom timeshare for a week in Vancouver, B.C. with her sister and brother-in-law prior to a one week cruise to Alaska. She does not want me to offend her sister. Later this afternoon I told my DW that I was going to do some nude sunbathing in the back yard and invited her to join me. She declined, without any negative comments which I took as some progres in the right direction. However, after about 90 minutes of some perfect weather (low 80s with a cool ocean breeze) she tells me to get dressed before I scare our daughter who had just returned home. Making progress is like eating an elephant – one bite at a time. |
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wantfirsttime
USA
89 Posts |
Posted - 05/31/2009 : 01:49:29
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| you have made more progress then i have granded you have working at it longer. i have been thinking this summer morings that i need to get up before everyone else sleep nude. i do walk around the house nude at night sometimes |
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bryans_saturdays
USA
1765 Posts |
Posted - 06/01/2009 : 15:21:44
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| Thanks for sharing, Calguy. Celebrate the small victories! |
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tsidun
USA
135 Posts |
Posted - 06/13/2010 : 23:48:51
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I found the forum over 3 years ago. I've not posted for a very long time, but would like to give an update on nudity and my wife's reactions.
I want to give a word of encouragement to any who have spouses that are freaked out (to say the least) about your need to be naked. With time, patience, and consistency, my wife has come to realize that #1, I'm not leaving the church, #2, I'm not leaving HER, and #3, that the sky does not fall when a person spends time with his (her) clothes off.
I have tried very hard not to press her or force her or argue with her. I have respected her feelings, and have tried to reasure her of my love, and of all the things that have NOT changed (however, my definition of a good marraige never included paranoid restrictions on being naked, & I felt our attitude about that needed to change).
I have remained mater-of-fact and I show no shame when I am nude.
I have tried not to flaunt it or go overboard, & have worked up gradually. I realized that this was very frightening to her, and that she simply did not understand.
Presently, my wife joins me often to sunbathe nude on the patio. I have found her cooking and cleaning clothes-free. We have had a hot tub for 2 years, and have never worn anything in it. We use it often and have good, long talks there. I sleep nude, and occasionally she does as well. I feel at peace being nude under any circumstance at home. I treat nudity at home as a non-issue, while still trying not to go overboard, and things are working out well.
I am happier with my marraige and with my home life than I have ever been. Oh how I love my wife for her patience, love, and acceptance.
She still is still very uncomfortable with the thought of social nudity...nude beach, etc... but I have found that I am happy and content with just being naked in my own home, with my own wife.
Because of her acceptance, I feel closer to her than ever before.
I do not CRAVE nudity as much as I once did, because so much of the need is being met openly in my (our) life.
I hope this might help you have patience and hope in your own personal journey.
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carolinaboy
USA
55 Posts |
Posted - 06/14/2010 : 10:01:29
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| I think that's great, I'm happy for your success. It gives the rest of us hope. |
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argonaut
USA
1955 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2010 : 00:15:16
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Tsidun,
Sounds like you did it right. Well done, or at least, well doing! |
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bryans_saturdays
USA
1765 Posts |
Posted - 06/15/2010 : 22:21:37
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Tsidun,
What a great post! And, welcome back!! It's really good to hear from you again. Your post made me happy... Thank you so much for thinking of us and for coming back to share what you've accomplished.
I think you are exactly right... helping a spouse accept nudity takes a LOT of patience, love, and time. And then, it takes a lot more of it.
I hope you stick around :-)
Bryan |
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Calguy
USA
52 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2010 : 15:19:17
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| It has been just over a year since I “came out” to my DW about my interest in participating in nude activities. In the past year my DW has become more accepting of me remaining nude within boundaries she has established. The rules (as I understand them) are: 1) I cannot be nude in the presence of anyone except her; 2) I can only be nude within our home, and backyard; 3) If in doubt, see rule #1. We have two adult daughters still at home and I am not allowed to be nude when they are home because that would violate rule #1. I have gently encouraged DW to join me in sunbathing in the yard and she continues to decline the offers with one excuse or another. Recently I suggested visiting Laguna Del Sole again (I have another birthday approaching) so that I can celebrate my birthday in my birthday suit. DW stated that we (meaning members of the LDS church) are to avoid all appearances of evil. It has taken a year of sleeping nude and being nude whenever possible/reasonable for the truth to come out. My DW believes that innocent nudity in the presences of anyone other than your spouse is placing yourself in an evil and sinful situation. This revelation has made it clear that I may never reach the point that some of the others on this forum have with their spouses. However; I will continue to lead by example with love and understanding. |
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midwesterner
19 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2010 : 18:23:24
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Not to disagree, but it sounds more to me like perhaps she believes it places you in the position of APPEARING evil to others (most of the people in our society), and that that is forbidden.
Do you think? |
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Calguy
USA
52 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2010 : 19:34:13
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My understanding of my wife’s position is anything that has the appearance of evil is wrong – even if the person has no intention of doing anything wrong. In this specific discussion – chaste nude recreation – I am not doing anything “evil” by being nude except that I am in view of other people in a public setting such as a nude resort or beach. To my wife this makes complete sense, however; to be it makes no sense. If in this example the appearance of evil is being nude in the view of others than that means each and every person at a nude beach, or at a nude resort, has evil thoughts and intentions when they are just enjoying nature in a natural way in a place where they will not get arrested. I enjoy going to a nude resort because it provides me with opportunities to enjoy nature, and the outdoors, with more freedom than my small backyard offers. I am not trying to appear evil, nor do I believe that 99% of other nudists at a resort have evil intentions. This discussion reminds of the number of times I have talked to people who believe that nudity equals sex and they cannot comprehend being naked with other people without sex being part of the equation. One of my co-workers (female) and I were having a discussion and I was open about having visited a nude resort. The first question she asked me was if all the men (me included) run around with erections all day long while we are at the resort. I did my best to educate her that nude resorts are not a swingers club that promote promiscuity.
I will agree that there are times when we can be in the position of appearing evil to others. But I do not think this logic applies when you are doing the same thing as everyone else, nude at a nude resort, participating in chaste nude recreation.
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joserab
USA
845 Posts |
Posted - 06/16/2010 : 21:38:02
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quote:
I will agree that there are times when we can be in the position of appearing evil to others. But I do not think this logic applies when you are doing the same thing as everyone else, nude at a nude resort, participating in chaste nude recreation.
Yep! |
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midwesterner
19 Posts |
Posted - 06/17/2010 : 17:49:36
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quote:
I will agree that there are times when we can be in the position of appearing evil to others. But I do not think this logic applies when you are doing the same thing as everyone else, nude at a nude resort, participating in chaste nude recreation.
Just guessing - maybe the problem for your wife is the potential of other people learning that you visit, or have visited, nude resorts, and then them thinking that what you do is evil and reflects badly on your faith. |
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Ravenwarbird
Canada
726 Posts |
Posted - 06/18/2010 : 01:23:15
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The Appearance of evil theme reminds me of a Sister I know of who got proposed to by a rally nice guy but she said she would only marry him is he stopped doing magic. He was a child's party entertainer, he juggled, did balloon animals, jokes, impressions and of course magic. Her reason for the no magic = marriage rule was to "Avoid the appearance of evil." I heard that she said magic was along the same lines as preistcraft and a false authority of God. I do not think she thought his magic act was evil but rather like evil so to be avoided.
The guy did it though, gave up doing magic (and he was good too a hit at all the Ward parties), which kind of killed the child entertainer business. Not all bad though, he was just doing the kids parties to pay his way to become a Physiotherapist. Last I heard he has his own clinic and three kids.
I hear Love can make you do strange things but withholding marriage because of magic? that is one of the strangest things I have heard. Is love not suppose to be a kind of magic? |
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Mr Moonella
United Kingdom
122 Posts |
Posted - 06/18/2010 : 06:31:41
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quote:
Originally posted by Calguy
My understanding of my wife’s position is anything that has the appearance of evil is wrong – even if the person has no intention of doing anything wrong.
This is a common misunderstanding of this scripture. The phrase "abstain from all appearance of evil" (1 Thess 5:22) doesn't mean "abstain from anything that appears to be evil", it means "abstain from evil in every form". There are plenty of things which could appear to be evil to some people - after all, Jesus appeared to be evil by dining with publicans and sinners, and the early church appeared to be evil by having prophets and apostles and teaching plural marriage. Reading the Bible would have been widely considered evil at one time.
But I assume it would take a lot more than some scriptural reasoning to overturn something that is many people's gut instinct. I would guess, like midwesterner, that if you asked people why they think we should avoid things that appear to be evil, even if they aren't, they would say that it might reflect badly on us and the church. Or alternatively, that it be a step (for ourselves or someone who sees us) onto some actual evil.
But some people will also quote it when they believe that the practice is actually evil but can't convince you of that, so they fall back on the charge that it appears to be.
I think it also worth remembering when talking to a spouse about naturism, they may have a very real fear that you might (a) go off the strait and narrow path, (b) corrupt your children, (c) do things they don't approve of behind their back, (d) etc. Reassurance is needed more than logic. |
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Todd
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - 06/23/2010 : 20:42:51
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| It isn't that which appears evil that I worry about but that which is evil and tries to appear good. |
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Making Progress?
